Mother Goose Script Excerpt

MOTHER GOOSE, her daughter FREYA and our principal boy, SVEN have crashed their balloon in the mountains. Fortunately they have found a hunting cabin...

We hear the sound of wind blowing, which becomes much louder as the door is opened, revealing billowing snow. MOTHER GOOSE, FREYA and SVEN come in.)

MG.

Lucky we found this hunting cabin!

SVEN.

Absolutely!

FREYA.

I'm freezing! (Shuts door, wind immediately abates.)

MG.

That's better. Isn't this a sweet little place! (Reads framed quotation.)

"Beware all who enter; you have much to fear, For only wicked trolls are welcome here!" Charming! I've had enough of trolls to last me a lifetime!

FREYA.

Maybe we should find somewhere else.

MG.

Maybe we should! (Opens door. Roaring wind noises and she is deluged with snow. Shuts door, wind immediately ceases as before.) On the other hand, maybe not.

SVEN.

I suppose we'll just have to make the best of it.

(The doors of the cuckoo clock fly open, revealing a face.)

CLOCK.

Yes, you will! Now go to bed, it's half past ten! (Doors shut.)

MG.

Did that just happen...?

(Clock doors fly open again.)

CLOCK.

Yes, it did! (Doors shut.)

MG.

Blimey.

CLOCK.

(Doors open) I forgot -

MG.

What?

CLOCK.

(grumpily) Cuckoo! (Doors shut.)

MG.

And cuckoo to you too.

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FREYA.

Maybe, we'd better do what s/he says.

SVEN.

I guess so.

MG.

Hang on, hang on! There's only one bed!

SVEN.

(shocked) Mrs Goose, I wasn't suggesting that Freya and -

MG.

Nevermind. It's been a long day and we all need to get some rest.

FREYA.

(getting into bed) Yes, let's. I'm exhausted.

MG.

Yes... Shall I take my boots off?

FREYA.

Probably best if you leave them on.

MG.

You're right. (Clambers into bed.) Shove up, Freya. Oooh, that's better... Jump in, Sven!

SVEN.

Right. (Hesitates.)

MG.

Well, come on, then.

SVEN.

Right. Yes, of course. (Gingerly gets into bed.)

MG.

(sighs contentedly) Isn't this cosy! Freya...? Freya? Goodness, she's already asleep.

SVEN.

Is she?

MG.

It's just you and me now.

SVEN.

Right...Well, er, goodnight, Mrs Goose.

MG.

Goodnight, Sven. I shall sleep like a log tonight. Let me know if I snore. (Yawns, shuts eyes and almost immediately snores.)

(SVEN remains rigidly awake...

MG pulls SVEN toward her. Tentatively, he puts her arm back. The process is repeated.)

(Chuckling and sleep talking) Oh, you big tease!

(MG snuggles in to SVEN with a vice like grip. He struggles vainly and finally cries out.)

SVEN.

Mrs Goose! Mrs Goose!

(MG and FREYA both wake up.)

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MG & F.

(panicky) What?!! What?!! What is it?!!

SVEN.

I, er, I... You asked me to tell you if you were snoring.

MG.

Was I?

SVEN.

Yes.

FREYA.

Is that all? You don't have to scream the place down, Sven.

SVEN.

No... I realise that... Sorry.

FREYA.

So, can we all go back to sleep?

SVEN.

Yes, of course... Goodnight.

F & MG.

Goodnight.

(The three settle down and both SVEN and FREYA are soon asleep. MG remains awake...)

MG.

(whispering) Freya...? Sven...? Are you asleep? I'm wide awake now. Oh, well... I'll try counting sheep. One, two, three etc....

(Slowly the Moose's tongue (arm in long pink sock) descends and pulls off her hat, which it throws on to the bed.)

(Jumping out of bed.) Aaaah! This isn't happening! Tell me this isn't happening!

F & S

(waking) What is it? What is it?

MG.

The moose! It took my hat.

CLOCK.

(Doors fly open.) Well, tell it not to! And go back to sleep! Don't you realise it's eleven o'clock

MG.

But it was only half past ten a minute ago.

CLOCK.

It's eleven o'clock, when I say it's eleven o'clock!! (Shuts doors and immediately reopens them.) Cuckoo! (Shuts doors.)

MG.

This place gives me the serious creeps. I wonder if the weather's got any better? (Opens door and receives a face full of snow. Furious wind noises. Shuts door. Noises cease.) That'll be a no, then.

FREYA.

I guess we'll just have to stay here.

MG.

I suppose you're right. Well, let's all go back to bed.

SVEN.

(courteously getting out of bed to allow MG past.) Mrs Goose.

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MG.

(climbing in) Thank you, Sven... But get back in, dear. I feel safer when I'm surrounded!

(SVEN gets back in.)

That's right. Everything's going to be fine. We've just had a bit of a day, that's all. And everything that possibly could happen has already happened! (To Moose, as she puts on her hat.) And don't take my hat off again!

MOOSE:

No, of course not.

MG.

Thank you... WHAT?!!!! Freya! The mmmmoose SPOKE!

FREYA.

(equally scared). I know the moose spoke!

MG.

(grabbing him) Sven, the moose spoke!

SVEN.

Yes, Mrs Goose, I know that, but please try to keep calm -

MOOSE.

Good night, Mrs Goose.

MG.

There it goes again! (Jumping out of bed) That's it! That's enough! I'm not staying in this bed a moment longer!

FREYA.

Neither am I!

SVEN.

Look, the moose was being perfectly friendly.

MOOSE.

I am perfectly friendly.

SVEN.

You see? So maybe we should just try to behave as normal.

MG.

NORMAL!!? Well, I tell you what I'd normally do at a time like this - I'd normally leave! (Opens door and receives a face full of snow. Furious wind noises. Shuts door. Noises cease.) But nothing's normal anymore.

SVEN.

I'm really hungry. Do you think there's any food here?

MG.

Yes, that's a normal thing to do. Let's eat.

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FREYA.

Maybe there's something in this cupboard.

(Opens cupboard. Two BABY TROLLS are revealed, blowing rolled up party blowers. FREYA screams and slams door shut.)

The cupboard's full of trolls!!

You see? Normal's been cancelled!

SVEN.

Oh, dear.

FREYA.

Maybe we should just go back to bed.

MG.

OK. But not to sleep. I'm not sleeping!

FREYA.

No, just to be close to each other and I want to be able to hold Sven's hand.

MG.

So do I. You'd better go in the middle Sven. There's no impropriety, we'll all probably be dead in the morning.

(They all get into bed with SVEN in the middle and MG the side nearer the door. MUSIC.)

Right. Let's just sit here and wait for death...